i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
