Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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