we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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