My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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