I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
