well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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