Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
