Your face is a jimmy john
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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