I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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