she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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