You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
