the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so let's talk penis.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
