idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she told me i tasted like america
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
