every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
