Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
