I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
