Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
