why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
