I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
