You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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