Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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