He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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