Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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