it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
