If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
