you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
