My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
