Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
