Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
