Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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