What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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