I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
