Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
