So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
