Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
