It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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