Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
