K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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