Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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