And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
