i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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