i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
