You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
