I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
