cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
