It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
