When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
