i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
