Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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