Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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