I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just had sex on a roof
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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